Interview: Queer Culture

Hannah's friend, Katie, talked to us about being gay in a predominately straight world. Although her parents have been very supportive, there are still many prejudices she faces due to her orientation.


Visitor: What is your name?
Katie: Katie Hodge

What is your sex?
Biologically female

What is your orientation?
Uhhh...I'm queer.

Was your family accepting of you coming out?
Yes, extremely. There were a lot of tears on my part when "coming out." I told my mom I was gay when I was 13. She said, "Oh God, I thought you were on drugs. What a relief, we've known you'd be gay since you were in kindergarten." I'm very lucky and very thankful.

Where others (school, work, hometown, etc.)
For the most part I feel that my friends were accepting. However, somehow I think that it was "okay" for me to be gay because I was "entertaining" or "funny" -- maybe my identity somehow became erased in humor. Or something like that.

Are you comfortable telling people about your orientation?
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely, yes.

Have you ever faced discrimination for being gay?
Yes. People treat me differently. I feel that a lot of men I'm friends with think they can talk with me very graphically about women they've been with. People automatically treat me differently because they think I'm more masculine since I'm queer. There's some kind of social perception about queer women.

Have you ever been made fun of?
Yes. Mostly from friends who are supportive, but give me a hard time because they think it's okay to pick on me. But it's hard to differentiate between humor and offensive remarks.

Have you ever been threatened or physically hurt?
well.. once when I was in high school some girl said she didn't want to sit at my table "because I was a dyke"... and one of my friends stood up and punched her. Another time, I was at a movie theater and someone asked me if I was a lesbian. I told him it was "none of his fucking business, because it doesn't matter" and that was the end of it. Again, I have been very lucky.

What are your concerns about the future?
Being in a serious relationship with a woman and wanting to marry her and not being able to...or wanting a family and having my children (if I ever want children) being discriminated against because they have two female parental figures.

Do you think most homosexuals are promiscuous?
"Homosexual" is a term I have a lot of problems with -- it sounds so clinical and so medicalized. But, aside from that -- I feel that the queer/gay people I know are promiscuous, however, all the straight people I know are promiscuous as well -- promiscuity (in my mind) has nothing to do with sexuality or orientation and everything to do with our generation.

Do you feel like the government supports you?
Not at all. Not one fucking bit.

Do you feel like you have the same rights as an average American?
No! Not at all. I mean -- there are over a thousand rights that Gay Americans are not awarded in comparison to straight Americans, even though I contribute and pay my taxes in the exact same way.

Do you feel like there are any advantages to being gay?
I mean personally I feel like there are a lot of advantages. For me like, I am so comfortable with my sexual identity and think that there is something very powerful about being with another woman and being in a relationship with another woman. And there's something very special about it thats hard to articulate but I know that it's there. Thats how I know it's special, because I can't articulate it.

Do you feel like there are any disadvantages?
The majority of people you encounter in the South are fucking bigots. And I'm from the south and I love the south and so that's a disadvantage because people don't understand. And thinking outside of the nuclear family is not something that the general population is taught to do. My entire family is from Gastonia, North Carolina and I want them to know about me and the history of my culture but I know that that isn't a reality because of their environment. But -- even in this homophobic climate of the South -- I know that I am me. I know that I am true to myself and that is all that I can offer. I am proud of that.

Women In Advertising

It is strange to see the way advertising uses women in this culture. I have seen ads and commercials everywhere that show women half-dressed, "sexily" eating cheeseburgers and cleaning cars in bathing suits. What's even worse is that all of these women are extremely skinny, with no wrinkles and large breasts and tiny waistlines. I do not understand this because I have yet to meet a single female here that really looks like that.

Although I have seen male stereotypes in ads, they have not been quite as frequent as the hypersexualized females plastered all over town. This poster above is in the window of a store at Friendly Shopping Center, a family-oriented strip mall where a lot of young teenagers hang out. it is funny that no one really questions posters like this. Even if they are disgusted, they seem to just think "that's just the way things are." People with money and power run the companies that make these ads and then people buy from them and support them, only furthering the problem. If people want so see an end to these ads, they should stop investing their money in businesses that subjegate and exploit women.

Interview: The Pressures of Masculinity

Hannah introduced me to her best friend, John. He is a white, heterosexual male and is from Greensboro. He talked to us about some of the stereotypes he has to live up and the pressures of being masculine.


Visitor: What is your name?
John: John Davis

What is your sex?
Male

What is your orientation?
Heterosexual

What is one of the hardest things about being male?
Girls haha. They are everywhere.

Do you feel like there are stereotypes and standards that you can't (or choose not to) meet?
I mean, yeah...definitely. There are a lot of stereotypes in general. I am not really a "tough guy", I guess. I'm kinda shy and that's not really "manly". I date girls and stuff, but I'm not into sports. I play music and read a lot. Ha, I guess I'm nerdy.

Do you feel the need to act different around other males than you normally would?
It depends. If you're around a bunch of super masculine guys and you don't act super masculine, they're going to call you a faggot.

What's so bad about being called a faggot?
I don't know. It's not like offended by being called gay. It's just the fact that you know they're using it in a negative way to make fun of you. It's the same as being called any mean name, I guess. And usually the guys who call you a faggot are huge homophobes or really insecure.

Were you ever called a faggot growing up in school?
Haha, of course. That was our favorite word. I don't know, all the guys called each other that. I guess it was just to make everyone look less powerful than you.

Have you ever questioned your sexuality?
Yeah, there was a period when I was younger. I think most normal people question their orientation, and the ones who don't are the one's who are homophobic. I obviously have no problems with gay people, I just realized I'm definitely straight, haha.

What is your description of being the perfect man?
They're supposed to be physically strong and financially stable. I think they should be a good leader too.

Do you think you fit that or are you comfortable with that?
No, I definitely don't fit that and I'm okay with it. I'm always broke and have no desire to lead anyone anywhere.

What's your description of the perfect woman?
Hot? Haha. I don't know...I mean attraction is important. But also someone who is smart and has some direction.

Do you feel comfortable crying as a male?
Nah. I don't think Hannah feels comfortable crying either and she's a girl. Maybe we're both just dudes. I don't think anyone really likes crying, haha.

Do you feel the responsibility and burden to take care of a female in a relationship?
YES. I mean, it's kinda my job. I would feel bad if I didn't.

Have you ever been in a fight with another male?
Yes.

Do you think the fight could have been avoided?
I don't know. When another guy gets all up in your face, you just kind of go into fight-or-flight. I didn't really think it through, I was just trying to defend myself.

How do you feel the media depicts men? Do you feel comfortable with that depiction?
I don't know, I think the media makes us look pretty stupid and gross. Then I look at girls and realize that maybe we are pretty stupid and gross haha.

Are you ever criticized for wearing tight jeans or for the way you dress?
Yeah, I mean occassionally. Wearing skinny jeans is accepted a lot more than it was a few years ago because it's become a trend. I still get made fun of a lot by black dudes...Can I say that?

Do you think all men are confident and aggressive?
I mean, definitely not...Look at me. As a child, how did you think men should act?
I guess I looked up to my dad...Most guys do. But as I grew up I realized I definitely didn't want to be like him. I think he still affected how I turned out. Just kinda like the opposite things I saw in him that weren't good.

Any closing thoughts?
I've never been interviewed by a plate before.

Breaking Stereotypes

After some discussion, Hannah and her friends decided to try an experiment. Each one of them shaved their heads in some way...This is something that they had all wanted to do for a while, but were always been too afraid to try. They wanted to show me how people would react to something so unusual, so we immediately went out to eat at a local restaurant. We all had to wait in line for about 30 minutes, and the stares we got ranged from amused, to startled, to just plain weirded out. It was pretty uncomfortable and we were all relieved when we were finally seated.

Since then, the three girls have received mixed reactions from friends/family/and acquaintances. The most common response is the questioning of sexuality. This is funny, because one of the girls who cut her hair is completely straight. Even still, people assumed that they were all lesbians. Even when responded to in positive way, it is funny how a haircut can shape someone's view of your whole person. At a party, Hannah saw two of her friends talking and asked what they were discussing. One of them turned around and laughed, "We were just talking about how you're the cutest little dyke we've ever seen."

"I never told you I was gay." She responded. "Oh honey, you don't have to say anything" replied the friend. "The hair says it all."

Although this is a humorous situation, some of the reactions were not as friendly. Hannah's own family was not embracing of the change at all. At Thanksgiving, some family members completely ignored the haircut and never mentioned it, even though they were staring at it the whole time. Others were mean and made references to her looking like a shaved dog or tried to ask her if she had a boyfriend or wanted any help finding one.

Altogether, I think I learned a lot about people's comfort levels. When someone is not the way they are accustomed to, they often become uncomfortable and fearful. This can lead to harsh defensive words or tense silence and awkwardness. I think this illustrates how minorities are discriminated against on a smaller scale. If someone with a weird haircut faces this many problems, how much does a person of an entirely different skin color or ethnicity have to go through?

Gender in Public

As I began to explore more of the area, I quickly noticed the stressed importance of the separation between men and women. Hannah told me that this is called a hierarchical binary. This society usually sees gender as either male or female, with little room or acceptance for variation in between. In actuality though, there are those who biologically do not fit into the male and female schemas, and there are even those who simply choose not to.

As I tried to learn more about this from Hannah's friends and acquaintances, I quickly learned that the idea of there being more than two genders really upset and disturbed people. This is because most humans aren't raised to believe in intersexuality. If it does exist to them at all, they usually consider it to be some sort of freak accident or ungodly mistake.

Hannah's friend Abby, another WGS major, told us about a recent discussion with her uncle. He was adamant that there were no "in-betweens" with sexuality. "There are males and females," he said. "And then there are....mutants. Yeah, that's it. Mutants."

I found this to be a common belief with other people I talked to as well. This was surprising considering the fact that research shows 1 out of 2000 babies is born with indiscernible genitalia. What is worse, doctors and hospitals usually operate on and choose a gender for these babies, often without even telling the parents. Though it is considered a medical procedure, i don't really see how choosing someone's sex for them can be biologically or emotionally safe. And even if these children grow up healthy, they are forced to live in a society where public bathrooms, dressing rooms, and sports teams don't fit their identity. It is strange to me that this culture seems to ignore a group's existence.

Highschool Cliques

Hannah and I visited her old highschool to talk with her little sister and make some observations. It was interesting to see so many social dynamics in play. One thing I was very aware of was the grouping of friends and acquaintances. Daily events like lunchtime and breaks in between classes led students to split off into different circles of friends. Hannah told me these are called cliques. While many may think that cliques are all stuck-up, rich girls, it looks more as if cliques are just groups of like-minded people who share similar intersests, tastes in fashion, backgrounds, and culture.

At the same time, there are definitely still a negative side of cliques. It's as if it is an organization of social hierarchies. You can see the groups in school that are "popular" and have more power and influence. Meanwhile, there are groups of kids who don't dress as fashionably or follow trends as well, and they form a band of friends at all. The hardest thing to observe were the students who didn't really fit into any clique at all. Whether they were shy or too "different", they were not accepted by any clique and even though they were not blatantly made fun, it was plain to see that they were a minority and they were not accepted.

I think the most interesting part of this whole phenomena is the concept of age. The group pictured above is composed of freshman. As such, these kids are not as socially stratified as their older peers and theystill mingle with other cliques and groups. But as students get older, they begin to develop an identity and a sense of who they belong with.

All cliques and groups aside, teenagers are very aware of social status. When asked, students talked about the different highschool stereotypes they see and how they judge them...Jocks, art freaks, preps, goths, nerds, etc. It seems that, even at such a young age, humans are very aware of human variation and social hierarchy. And as they grow, so will their perceptions of those around them.

Interview: Growing Up

Hannah and I talked with her younger sister about growing up in a society that is dominated by images of perfection and promiscuity in the media. She told us about the pressures of keeping up with fashion, trends, and social networking websites at such a young age.

Visitor: What is your name?
Rebekah: Rebekah Richardson

What is your sex?
Female

What is your age?
15

Do you feel pressure from the media to act a certain way as an adolescent female?
Yes. I feel pressure to wear certain things. I don't feel necessarily the pressure to act a certain way, but I know other girls who do. I really like Twilight and TMZ and they definitely put out an image for girls my age to copy.

How do you feel pressured to dress?
I think I feel most pressured to dress like musicians. I also see a lot of things in the fashion magazines me and my friends read.

Do you feel pressure to have a boyfriend?
No, not really...I used to though. I didn't feel that I had to have one, but I wanted one. Because it's just kind of everywhere on TV and movies and songs.

How do you think a girl who gets all the boys would look and act?
Well at school...the "perfect girl" has like...bleach blonde hair and wears low-cut shirts. She's really outgoing and talks about people a lot. She wears nice clothes and has money.

Are you comfortable with being single?
Yes, because I don't like anyone right now.

Are you comfortable with your body image?
Hmmm....I'm alright with it. Yeah.

Do you know girls who aren't comfortable?
Yes. I hear girls and friends talk about it. Like this girls I was at the mall with yesterday was talking abut her weight. I actually know a lot of people who complain about their weight.

Why do you think that is?
Because they see other girls who are skinnier than them...who may possibly get more attention.

Do you think attention is something your generation really cares about?
Yes. Because there are so many people who "try". They do things they normally wouldn't do to get attention and be popular. Personally, i don't seek attention, but it is nice to have. It's a thin line.

Do you think websites like Facebook and Twitter worsen that?
Um, like I know a lot of people who just request to be friends with people they don't even know on Facebook, just so they can have friends. People try to take "cute" default pictures and get comments telling them how cute they are. Some people just post stuff constantly and take pictures of themselves every day and just wait for someone to affirm them.

Do you feel like girls at your age are faced with more pressure than Hannah was was when she was your age?
Yeah. Like, when my sisters went to see my middle school graduation, they were shocked by how girls my age were dressing. They said they never felt the need to dress that way. Hannah also worked at Justice (which is like Limited Too) and she couldn't believe the way girls were acting and dressing.

What do you want to be when you grow up?
I have no idea haha. Something in the art industry, possibly? But I don't have any specific idea yet.

Have you ever been made fun of for how you dress or look?
Yes. Lots of times. I got made fun of for my hair a lot, because I wear it differently from a lot of girls. I used to get made fun of for the circles under my eyes in 5th grade and that used to make me feel really insecure. That was the first reason I wanted to start wearing makeup.

Have you ever been made fun of or pitied for being single?
I don't know, I've never had a boyfriend before. But people usually think I'm joking or lying when I say that. It's hard for them to believe that someone my age hasn't had a boyfriend before.

Have you ever been hit on inappropriately?
Yes. One time in front of my mom and dad too, and that was not cool. I hate it when guys stare at me in the hallways, especially when I don't know them. One time I even heard a senior guy talking about me in the hallway. he said if I didn't have braces that I would be hot...and then he said he was going to probably date me, assuming that I would say yes. I was pretty offended.

How do you feel about highschool dances?
I don't like them. There is no dancing...it's more like...grinding trains. I didn't participate.

Is there any advice you would to girls your age?
Be yourself.

Religion

Although Greensboro isn't necessarily that large, I am surprised to see so many places of worship. People from all kinds of cultures and backgrounds meet in order to show honor and respect to the different religions they believe in. Some go out of obligation, others go for personal spirituality, and some go to socialize with people who are similar to them.

I think the most interesting thing is the fact that there are so many different types of Christianity. I saw countless signs for different churches that all believe in God, yet somehow differentiate themselves from other congregations. t is strange to me that people who all believe in the same thing separate themselves from one another and argue.


One thing is obvious, religion is very important to this society. It influences the choices people make, the way they date and marry and have children, the way they dress and drink and eat. It is an institution of power that can either bring people together or tear them apart. Even if religions are different from one another, they are all based on the concept that there is something bigger than humanity watching us. This seems to be a common human belief that I am unfamiliar with.

Interview: Religion

Hannah has been close friends with Taylor since elementary school. We talked to her about the pressures of being gay in a Christian household and how she feels about the concepts of organized religion and its place in society.

What's your name?
Taylor Ramsey

What's your gender?
Lady

What's your orientation?
Queer

Were you raised on any certain religion or set of beliefs?
Yes. Ughhhh. God, it's hard to describe...I come from a family of Baptist preachers, so my relatives aren't legalistic, but they rely on faith to make all their decisions. It's in everything they do. The one thing my mother wanted for me as a child was for me to know Jesus. It's kinda like, "It doesn't matter if you're happy, just be a christian." Haha. I don't know, it's a lot of pressure.

Do you still follow and believe that religion?
No, but I'm not really open about that with my family. It's easier for me to just lay low than to create conflict. As long as they're not trying to influence any part of my life, I'm okay. I just want to avoid conflict, and that's getting harder.

Why would you say it's getting harder?
It's hard for me to accept the fact that my mom wants me to base any decision I make on "Jesus". Like, even in school, my mom wants to know how I'm using my life for Jesus...Or if all my friends are christians.

Is it hard being gay and having a Christian family? Do they even know?
No, they're don't know. I think it would be really scary...Or I guess it will be really scary...When I tell them. It's weird to think there might be something about yourself that could make you lose the affection of your own family members. It's a bizarre concept for me.

Will you raise your children to believe a certain religion?
Haha, that's terrifying. That's the scariest question ever. I mean, no matter what I do, I know my mom is going to have a role in my children's lives and she's always going to be preaching about what she believes in. But I would definitely leave options for my kids to believe what they want, rather than scaring them into believing something.

Why do you think religion is so important to society?
Ummm...that's a huge question. I guess it's because we're scared and we need a way to explain things we don't understand. I guess we can't trust ourselves, so we need something else to believe in.

Do you think it is necessary?
I don't think religion is always bad. But I don't know, it has created so much conflict and so much hatred. It's taken something that could be so good and made it negative.

Do you think there is a difference between religion and spirituality?
YEAH. I feel like religion is more dependent on people. I mean, religion is based on men and no one is perfect. It will always get messed up. Spirituality is more of a personal thing. It can coexist with other things, its not so aggressive or antagonizing.

Do you think homosexuals go to hell or that God hates them?
Bullshit. That's just ridiculous to me. I think that idea has just come from people trying to scare other people from being gay. It's just hate. I don't know, it's just hate. And God is not hate. Such bullshit. That sounds really angry written down haha.

Do you think you can be gay and christian?
Yeah. I mean I guess it depends on what you mean by Christian. I think that organized religion won't really support it because it's a minority and its not the norm. But I think you can be gay and believe in God.

Do you think church and state influence eachother?
Yeah. I know my family has just been irrate about taking anything about God out of the public...you know, like prayer out of school. They think the success of our country is based on God. Obama scares the shit out of them. Both establishments definitely have a lot of power and influence the people individually.

So what do you personally believe?
I've been dreading this question. I don't know, I've been talking to my roommate a lot about this. I don't want to completely reject something that has been such a huge part of my childhood and my life. It's made me into who I am. And I think it would be completely hopeless to think there's nothing out there or any sort of creator or whatever. I don't know, there are so many negative things that get in the way and manipulate religion. It gets used to control people and accomplish agendas. But deep down I think the idea of it is good. It's just gotten messed up somewhere.

Housing

One of the first things I noticed here were the various types of housing around town. There are so many different kinds, I at first though that people just chose whichever one they liked best. But I soon realized that housing is a sign of status and requires lots of money. Those who are in power and have more privilege have nicer houses, located in suburban upperclass neighborhoods where no one has to do their own yardwork and children can safely play in the streets. Meanwhile, in other parts of Greensboro, houses are rundown and the streets are empty. It is strange to me that a lot of minorities live in poorer housing. Why is this? Do they not have as much money or privilege as the majority of average white people? Does the government help those who can't afford appropriate living quarters?

As I talked to some middleclass white people, they mentioned the "bad side of town". Is it bad because the houses are bad or are these racist statements from those who are uncomfortable around people of a different race. These are all things I have to ponder and consider.